I'm going to have a baby

Okay, so I'm not pregnant. Big deal. That's not the point. I am hell bent determined to have a baby this year. I'm going to buy an ovulation prediction kit within the next week or so. I've got baby fever so bad that I should be in the hospital getting IV meds. I think it's time that Aiden is a big brother.




It's a lot to take on, since I'm in the middle of getting my degree in Political Science, but I'll be damned if I don't do it. I will not wait 8 years, untill I'm finished with law school, to have another baby. That would make Aiden 10 years old, and me 31 - fuck that. I'm not planning on having kids well into my 30's.

I miss this...so much

Overwhelmed

So, as you all know I'm selling Avon now. It's overwhelming for me, because most people around here already have someone they buy from. So far I have 2 orders, from 2 customers. I still have to do some follow-ups and hand out a couple more books tomorrow, but still. I'm a bit sad about it. I'm giving myself 6 months to see if things pick up and if I can get a legitimate client base going. Hopefully I can, but I really don't know if I can do it. I've been turned down more often than not. I'm hopeful that my neighbor will place an order with me, and my land lord. I'm also going to get Justin to hand out books where he works at. I'm making fliers as well, hoping that will attract some people. Does anyone have any good promotion ideas I can use?

I'm really open minded....BUT

When I wake up to some shit like this, it honestly freaks me out a little. My neighbor, Danny aka Dick painted this shit on the road. This is seriously they type of thing that makes me think he's going to kidnap my blond haired blue eyed baby boy and sacrifice him. It's freaky. It's weird. It's disrespectful. Other than that, it's just plain wrong.

If you can tell, he drew pentagrams, in the shape of an upside down cross, several upside down crosses, the letters 666 as well as the words "F... God" and "F... Jesus" several times. I don't feel comfortable around him now. He's a nice enough guy, you know? He'll help you out if he can, but he has schizophrenia. I feel badly for him, really I do, but this is just crossing a line right here. He needs to have his medication changed, or be put back in Bar-H for a while or something. I don't even know if his Mother notified his doctor about this, although I hope that she did, because this is clearly a warning sign. He's a tortured soul, he hears voices that say really cruel things to him, I know he can't help it. But I find this to be extremely alarming.

When it rains..it pours

It's been a hell of a week here, money wise. Justin's paycheck was good. I didn't see any problems with the bills and all that, so I spent like 100 at TJ Maxx yesterday. What do I come home to? Messages from my brother, trying to scam me out of 45 dollars. Great, right? Apparently we borrowed money from them last week. Which we didn't, because 1. I didn't need any money and 2. he didn't have any money. They've been over here taking showers and all that because they were 3 months behind on their water bill. I gave them a box and a bag of food, because they were out and couldn't afford any. So how in the hell do I owe them money?! I seriously want to know this.



I'm so tired of shit...to be more clear, I'm so tired of peoples shit. I can not handle this right now on top of everything else that is going on. They wouldn't shut up, so I gave them the 45 damn dollars, so they would leave me alone. If I didn't there would've been big problems, because they would try to cause problems any way they could for me and my family. Not to mention they would probably tell my Dad that I owed them money (when I do not, I will say it again!) or some other bullshit, and that is just more shit that I don't need.



What the fuck is wrong with people? Cause it seems like everything and everyone is going crazy lately. I know one thing, I won't be helping my brother out anymore. I was in tears over the shit he pulled last night. I was so upset about it. It isn't the first time they have done some shit like this, but I won't go into the last time as it was 3 years (almost exactly) ago that it happened. I am so done with them this time, so done. I have come to realise that my relationship with my brother is a toxic one, well more so with his wife but since they're a package deal it's all the same in my eyes right now.



Is it wrong for me to say I hate people? Cause I really think I'm starting to.

You know what pisses me off the most?

About the whole Tasha/Brandon situation? That my son had gotten attached to her. He even says her name. He'll knock on her former bedroom door and yell Ashha Ta-ashha Ashha. This really makes me mad, because now I feel like they have hurt my son as well, because I can tell he misses her. I'd like to bitch slap the hell out of her for this. At least he's young I guess, but still. He'll never see her again, and I know it's for the best, but damn it...don't fuck with my child. I really feel like he got fucked over in all of this too, because she was really good with him and he would "flirt" with her and talk to her all the time, and she would hold him and stuff. Now he's like hey where's Ashha at. What a bitch. I know he's better off without that junkie trash in his life, but shit I feel bad about ever letting her stay now, because of how much Aiden liked her and how much he misses her. He looks for her around the house too.

The newest additions to the Browning Family

Coconut

Snowball

Them together at Sues house the night we got them

Coconut with Aiden




Aiden is already showing a preference for coconut, he loves her the most and plays with her the most. He likes Snowball too, but Coconut is his favorite for sure. They're so good with him, and he's doing surprisingly well with them too.

Trust is like a mirror...

Once it's broken, you can never look at it the same again.

I let a friend move in, well someone who I thought was a friend. She was a fairly new friend, but we got along marvelously. Justin has known her boyfriend for forever and a day, they used to be in a band together. I let them both move in, because her mother was an abusive drunk. So being the kind generous person that I am, I put a roof over their head. I took her to the grocery store with me to buy them food that they liked, cooked their meals and washed their clothes for them. I knew there was going to be a problem when they were fighting like cats and dogs. I don't like that shit in my house, Justin and I rarely argue and never around Aiden.

Fast forward a few days, and I'm missing 20 dollars and a lot of make-up. Weird, right? I thought so. I must have lost it, they wouldn't do that to me. Especially since her boyfriend made 15 dollars an hour. He didn't want to move out of his parents house though, so I didn't think it was weird that they didn't get their own place. After all she is 19 and still in cosmetology school. That's normal, right? WRONG!

I wake up one morning and all her stuff is gone out of the bathroom, living room and kitchen. So I go into her bedroom and a bunch of her shit is packed up. Weird. So I call her at her Dad's house. She's spending the night out to celebrate their anniversary. Okay, cool...except while I'm in her room getting the laundry I spot a clear empty pill capsule on the dresser and about 5 other little white pills in a prom glass. Okay, now that's weird I thought. I called my father in law who has just gotten off Oxycontin about 3 months ago and he stops by and looks at it. Yep...it's an off brand Oxycontin 20 and you have to take the powder out of the capsule to do it. So, now I'm thinking about it and I ask him how much they cost. Guess how much it is? I bet you can, if you think real hard. Yep, that's right 20 to 25 dollars. There is where my 20 bucks went. Bitch.

I confronted her about it. She gave me some sob story about how she wasn't addicted to anything, wasn't on drugs...how I wouldn't understand about her situation with her mom and how she was having a hard time right now. Okay, whatever cunt. At this point I'm not caring. All I'm thinking is...bitch has got to go.

I'm a mother, I think about my son first...ALWAYS. I can not have that shit around here. What if they left a pill out and my son got to it? What if someone knew they were on drugs and called CPS? The what if's are endless. So I kicked her out. I wasn't going to give her shit back until they paid me their half of the bills, but her Dad came to get it today, and I am just so done with this whole situation that I packed it all up and gave it to him. I am SO done. Over her bullshit and her drama. I don't need that in my life, and neither does my son. He deserves better than to be living with a bunch of junkie trash, and by god he will have better than that. I will not have people like that around him. Period.

They took most of my cigarettes as well. I'm so mad, I could chew nails at this point. She's such a pretty girl, and she doesn't look like someone who would be on drugs. She told me she was trying to have a baby and wanted to get married and all that jazz. She doesn't deserve to be a mother, because no child deserves to grow up in the situation that I'm sure hers would be in. I told her she needed to wait until they were more stable to try to have a child, have their own place, she was done with school. I could understand an accident, but TRYING. WTF?! She wasn't on BC and was charting her ovulation. I really hope she doesn't have a baby and bring a child into their mess.

I did at least 10 loads of laundry for her, and that is gonna jack up my water bill next month. I bet I won't see a damn cent from them either. It's so sad that this community has a drug problem so bad that people as young as her can have established drug problems with prescription pills.